I spent my workdays wishing for time off, then spent my days off worrying about the money I wasn’t making. Here’s what financial stability taught me about work, money and actually allowing myself to rest.
When I was working, I wanted a day off.
Then when I finally had a day off, I wanted work.
It sounds ridiculous when I write it down.
But I did this for years.
While working, I would think about everything I wanted to do when I finally had some free time.
Rest.
Play guitar.
Spend time with my dog.
Work on something I actually wanted to work on.
Do absolutely nothing if I felt like it.
Then the day off came.
And instead of enjoying it, another thought showed up:
“I could be making money right now.”
Suddenly the free time I wanted so badly didn’t feel free anymore.
I Was Physically Off, But My Mind Was Still Working
This became especially noticeable after I started taking my finances more seriously.
I’ve been broke before.
I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck.
I’ve had money come in and somehow watched all of it disappear.
So when I finally started learning how to budget, save and keep money, I didn’t want to go backward.
That fear became a pretty powerful source of motivation.
If there was work available, I wanted it.
More work meant more money.
More money meant more savings.
More savings meant more security.
It all made sense.
The problem was that I didn’t know when to turn it off.
If I wasn’t working, I wasn’t making money.
And if I wasn’t making money, part of me felt like I was wasting an opportunity.
I could be sitting at home on a perfectly good day off and somehow feel guilty about it.
Nothing was actually wrong.
My bills could be paid.
I could have money saved.
There could be no financial emergency happening at all.
But my mind was still acting like I needed to move.
That made me realize something:
I had improved my financial situation, but part of me was still living in survival mode.
Fear Is a Really Good Employee
I’ve learned something about myself.
Fear can make me work very hard.
Fear of being broke again.
Fear of losing my job.
Fear of an unexpected expense.
Fear of falling behind.
Give me enough fear and I’ll move.
I’ll work longer.
I’ll save harder.
I’ll sacrifice things.
I’ll convince myself that I’ll rest later.
And honestly, that helped me for a while.
When I needed to get out of a bad financial situation, I wasn’t thinking about perfect work-life balance.
I needed money.
Sometimes you really do need to put your head down and handle the problem in front of you.
But I don’t think I realized that survival mode was supposed to be temporary.
I was using the same mentality after my situation had started improving.
The emergency was slowly ending.
My mind didn’t get the message.
A Day Off Started Feeling Expensive
This is where things became strange.
A day off didn’t just mean a day off anymore.
It had a price.
If I could have made $200 that day, then staying home somehow felt like I had lost $200.
But I didn’t lose $200.
I simply didn’t make it.
Those are not the same thing.
It took me a while to notice how much that way of thinking was affecting me.
Because once I start putting a dollar value on every hour I’m not working, almost everything can start feeling irresponsible.
Playing guitar?
I could be working.
Taking my dog somewhere?
I could be working.
Sitting around talking with family?
I could be working.
Taking a nap?
Definitely could be working.
Even working on The Stability Engine could create that feeling because it wasn’t necessarily putting money in my account that day.
I was measuring time almost entirely by how much money I could make from it.
And the scary part is that you can make a pretty good argument for doing that.
More money is useful.
More savings does provide security.
More investing can improve your future.
That’s why it took me so long to question it.
What Was I Saving All This Money For?
Eventually I had to ask myself something uncomfortable.
If I’m working more so I can have a better life…
But the work prevents me from enjoying the life I’m trying to build…
What exactly am I doing?
I’m not saying I should stop working.
I’m definitely not saying I should spend everything and enjoy today because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
I’ve experienced the other side.
Being broke isn’t freedom either.
Having no savings can make one car repair, medical bill or unexpected expense completely change your month.
That’s exactly why I believe so strongly in having a budget and emergency fund.
Financial stability gave me something I desperately needed:
breathing room.
But what’s the point of creating breathing room if I never allow myself to breathe?
That’s the part I’m trying to understand better now.
My Budget Needed to Do More Than Control Spending
When I first started budgeting, I mainly wanted to know where my money was going.
Income.
Bills.
Expenses.
Savings.
Simple.
And that changed everything for me financially.
But now I see another benefit that I didn’t understand at the beginning.
A financial plan can give me permission to stop thinking about money for a while.
If I know my bills are covered…
If I’ve already put money into savings…
If my emergency fund is there…
If I’m investing according to my plan…
Then maybe I don’t need to squeeze money out of every available hour.
Maybe that’s part of what financial stability is supposed to give me.
Not just more money.
Less fear.
This is one reason I’ve become so interested in simple financial systems.
I don’t want to wake up every morning and renegotiate my entire financial life with myself.
I want the important things already handled.
Money comes in.
Bills are covered.
Savings happen.
Investing happens.
The system keeps moving.
And then maybe I can go play guitar without my brain calculating my hourly rate.
Rest Doesn’t Have to Be Earned Forever
I think I used to treat rest like something I had to earn.
Finish this first.
Make this much first.
Save this much first.
Handle this problem first.
Then I can relax.
The problem is that life is very good at creating another problem.
There’s always something else I could do.
There’s always another dollar I could make.
There’s always something I could improve.
So if I wait until everything is handled before allowing myself to enjoy some time…
I’m probably going to be waiting forever.
I’m still working on this.
There are days when doing nothing makes me uncomfortable.
There are days when I start thinking about everything I should be accomplishing.
There are days when I still feel like I’m falling behind.
But now I can at least notice what’s happening.
I can ask myself:
Is something actually wrong right now?
Or am I just uncomfortable because I’m not being productive?
Do I genuinely need to work?
Or am I afraid of not working?
That’s a very different question.
I Don’t Want to Hate Mondays and Waste Sundays
I don’t want my entire life divided into two categories:
Working and wishing I wasn’t.
Not working and feeling guilty because I’m not.
Neither one sounds like peace of mind.
I still want to work hard.
I still want to make more money.
I still want to save and invest.
There are also going to be periods when I need to work more than usual.
But I don’t want financial responsibility to become an excuse for never being mentally present anywhere.
If I’m working, I want to work.
If I’m resting, I want to rest.
If I’m with someone I care about, I want to actually be there.
That’s much easier to write than to do.
But I’m starting to think that’s another reason I needed to get my money organized in the first place.
Not so I could spend every waking hour making more of it.
So money could take up less space in my head.
Money Is Supposed to Reduce Some of the Stress
This has changed the way I think about financial progress.
If I have more money saved than I used to…
But I’m more afraid of losing money…
Is that completely progress?
Financially, yes.
Emotionally, maybe not.
If my investments are growing but I can’t enjoy a day off because I’m thinking about lost income, something still needs work.
I don’t think the solution is making myself stop caring about money.
I care about money because money affects my life.
The solution I’m working toward is simpler:
Have a plan for my money so I don’t have to think about money every minute.
That’s what I actually wanted when I was broke.
I didn’t dream about staring at a bigger bank balance all day.
I wanted relief.
I wanted to stop worrying.
I wanted an unexpected expense to be annoying instead of terrifying.
I wanted some control.
Maybe I need to remember that.
Final Thought
When I was working, I wanted my time back.
When I finally had my time back, I worried about the money I wasn’t making.
I couldn’t win.
I’m starting to realize that building financial stability isn’t only about accumulating money.
It’s also about reaching a point where I can occasionally stop thinking about it.
I’m still learning how to do that.
I still catch myself feeling guilty for slowing down.
I still want more financial security.
I still have goals.
But I don’t want to spend every day off wishing I was making money, just like I don’t want to spend every workday wishing I were somewhere else.
I can make more money.
I can’t make another Sunday.
And I don’t want to realize years from now that I successfully protected my money while accidentally giving away all the time I was protecting it for.
Next Step
This leaves me with a bigger question:
How much of my life have I been postponing because I keep thinking there will be a better time later?
Read next:
👉 I Don’t Want to Spend My Whole Life Getting Ready to Live
Because preparing for the future is responsible.
But I’m learning that the future shouldn’t receive everything while the present gets whatever is left.
Questions❓ Drop them down below in the comments sections 👇